AN AUTISTIC PERSONS PERSPECTIVE
Things autistic people wish everyone knew about autism
"It's a spectrum" does not mean what you think it means
Autism isn't a set of defined symptoms that collectively worsen as you move "up" the spectrum. In fact, one of the distinguishing features of autism is what the DSM-V calls an "uneven profile of abilities." There's a reason people like to say that "if you have met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." Every autistic person presents slightly differently. That's because autism isn't one condition. It is a collection of related neurological conditions that are so intertwined and so impossible to pick apart that professionals have stopped trying.
Asking why?
When an autistic person asks the question why they are asking it as a literal question. There is no hidden agenda. However neurotypical people think that asking why is a purposeful sign of disrespect and is questiong your abilities, which is not the case for an autistic person.
Not recognizing a persons face
Prosopagnosia, or face blindness, is common among those on the spectrum. Some people with autism have a really difficult time recognizing people out of context. When an autistic person asks who you are or seems to struggle to remember you, this is exactly what's happening. There are no hidden agendas. It doesn't mean you aren't important to them or they have not paid attention to you.
Lack of eye contact
For people with autism eye contact is physically painful. Some people with autism listen better when they do not have to make eye contact because making eye contact skews a ability to process auditory information.
White lies
When a person is young they are taught that lying is bad and unacceptable. This then is taken literally by a person with autism. This means to a person with autism there is no diffrence between a white lie and an actual lie. Once a person with autism learns a social rule, it essentaily becomes written in stone for a person with autism. A person with autism may not realize the exceptions to the rule or know when to apply them. This can lead to them accidentaly hurting a persons feelings.
Tone of voice
Many people on the spectrum have what is considered a monotone (flat) tone of voice or they speak a bit louder than those around them. This flat and loud tone can be mistaken for aggression or disrespect when it is neither. This is just the way the person speaks.
Vagueness
If you've made plans with your autistic loved one, and they don't show up when you expect them to, or they turn up in another part of the building completely, you may mistake this as lack of caring or attention or even think that the person is messing with you. The truth is, vagueness can be quite confusing for many autistic people. When making plans with a person on the spectrum, give concrete information.
Autonomous initiative
This is the ability to see something that needs to be done and do it without prompting or reminders. It's very easy to mistake this behavior for purposeful laziness, but it's not. Autistic people often need to be told very specifically what is expected of them and given reminders either verbally or set on their phone. Once a chore becomes a part of our routine, it usually gets done without prompting.
Solitude
Most autistic people need lots of alone time to recharge after socializing or working. Differences in autistic brains make processing social input much more difficult and can become overwhelming. A person with autism is not acting "too good for anthor person"
Blank face
Many autistic people have what is considered a "blank" facial expression or, in more clinical terms, a "flat affect." This is that far-away gaze, slack features, and mouth-slightly-open or expressionless look you've probably seen quite often. Unfortunately, to someone who doesn't have much experience with autistic people, a "blank face" can cause serious misunderstandings and misconceptions that can lead to hostility and even abuse. An autistic person who appears to have no facial expression and a far-away gaze can be mistaken as disrespectful, purposely ignoring others, not being interested, not even trying to understand. In reality, a face devoid of expression could mean many things, including, but not limited to: The autistic person is taking a sensory break to deal with sensory overload. It's a mild form of disassociation that helps reset the brain and calm the nerves. We may be concentrating deeply on something. This means we are 100% into whatever it is we are doing, and we're not holding a facial expression. (For many autistics, maintaining a facial expression takes a concentrated effort.) Many autistic people have a lack of connectivity between the parts of the brain responsible for processing emotion and those responsible for coordinating facial expressions. Controlling facial expressions can be even more difficult when they're tired. Some people with autism don't use facial expressions until there is someone to use them around, so if they are not aware you're in the room, our faces may default back to expressionless.
Asking for details
The neurotypical brain is good at filling in the gaps when somebody is telling them a story about their day or something that happened to them in the past. The autistic brain often has difficulty with this. Most of us need detailed explanations in order to understand what is being said to us in order to form a complete picture in our minds. When a non-autistic person is in the middle of telling a story or describing a rough part of their day, and anthor person keep being asked for details that they do not deem important (What time of day? Who were you with?), they will feel interrupted, interrogated, and unheard The autistic person, however, is asking those questions so they can relate to the neurotypical person. It's not an attempt to cut the person off, it's an attempt to connect.
Not everyone with autism is the same
If you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism. Autism affects everyone in varying degrees
Not everyone is a little bit autistic
It is a lot more severe for people with autism and debilitating. A person with autism does not have social anxiety because they have low self-esteem or are depressed but because they actually do not understand others and often do not know what to say or do.
A person with autism does not look autistic
There is not a certain look that a person will have and some of the time a person with autism is good at acting neurotypical.
People with autism are not like the characters on television shows
Not all autistic people have savant syndrome and not all people with savant syndrome are autistic.
People with autism feel empathy
Many people with autism feel empathy very deeply, but just do not express it the way that neurotypical people express it.
There is a diffrence between meltdowns and temper-tantrums
A meltdown is an uncontrollable explosian of emotion and happens when a person with autism gets overwelmed. A person having a meltdown is not trying to get attention. A meltdown is a neurological phenomenon and can not be controlled. A temper-tantrum is trying to get attention and is purposeful. A temper-tantrum is a tatic.
9 of the best autism blogs
- Seattle Children's Autism Blog
- The Autism Dad
- Autism Daddy
- Autism mom
- The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism
- Four Plus an Angel
- Autism with a side of fries
- Autism Learning Felt
- Just a Lil Blog